Memories of grandparents
1
This is my home
Tiny and combative, Mrs Mariella reminded me that every time we enter a care home we are entering someone else’s home.
Mrs Mariella barely reached a metre and a half, but despite her tiny build she was a real firebrand. Impossible not to hear her, and very hard to hold a conversation without arguing or being good-naturedly insulted in some way.
Being a man, I had a slightly easier time talking with her: she was a woman who, despite her age, had travelled to various places, even abroad; she was sharp and lively, walked without trouble, and you could even play cards with her — provided you did not win too much…
I remember that on Saturday afternoons a lady always came to visit her — not a relative, but simply a neighbour. I remember that Mrs Mariella, with her somewhat brusque manner, did not always treat her well, yet the lady did not give up and came to visit every week. When she occasionally could not come, she always let her know, and Mrs Mariella, despite her gruff ways, was sorry: she was her friend!
This is my home
2
I always wondered why she behaved aggressively even towards people who came to help her. During a review meeting with the managers of the care home, the conversation turned to Mrs Mariella and the difficulty of relating to her. The manager’s answer was illuminating: “remember that every time you come here, you are entering her home”.
Remember that every time you come here, you are entering her home.
We volunteers often forget that every time we enter a care home we are entering someone else’s home. It is not, as some think, a house without a soul, without a real owner, a mere place of transit: it is the home of the elderly who live inside it. Every time we enter, we intrude upon people’s privacy and intimacy, and so we must remember always to tread with great delicacy.
On the day Mrs Mariella suddenly left us, I felt a real emptiness, a chilling silence, and in that moment I understood that her shouting and her words had kept the care home alive.
Collected by Riccardo Beretta · AVO Concorezzo volunteer